So, while I typically don't go around posting pictures of myself on the internet - it's important to set the context for this post. Just to preface this post - my intention most definitely is not to offend anyone - I'm just trying to share my experience in my body. So this is what I looked liked as of my honeymoon at the end of September 2011. I'm at my heaviest weight right now at about 134 (I'm just a hair under 5 feet 8 inches). (I do not feel like I need to lose weight - that is not the point of this post).Now, this is the part where I can just hear the snickers. Maybe I don't know what you're thinking, but what I'm imagining is (with heavy sarcasm) "oh poor skinny girl - I feel so so sorry for her."
While I'm not asking for your sympathy, I am asking you to hear me out. Being "fit" and "in shape" doesn't really care about sizes, ya know? I was 130 lbs and had trouble getting up a flight of stairs at a normal pace without gasping for air. My husband used to call me the most out of shape skinny person he knows because I would get tired so quickly with very little physical effort.
I read a lot of blogs - mostly centered on weight loss/running because I am so inspired by everyone's stories. As I was reading through Mary's blog over the last few days (yes, I read from the beginning to the present in about 3 days - she is so inspiring!). I got JEALOUS!
Let me explain. Now that I've run a few half marathons, I'm starting to get more leg muscles. My arm muscles are still pathetically non-existent. And my legs? Apparently I'm the only one who noticed. My husband, who sees me naked pretty much every day, told me the other day when I complained about the pudge that has taken up residence on my tummy since the wedding, "You know, I don't notice a different between your body now and when you ran your marathon or from when you didn't run at all." When I clarified to make sure he wasn't just boosting my ego, he confirmed: he saw absolutely no change when I was running tons and tons of miles and now (or before). ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
So yes, I do get a little jealous when I read weight loss blogs and people can feel their body change and other people notice a difference - because that will never be me. It doesn't matter how much I work out (well, I guess I could become like those gladiator women - but that look just doesn't appeal to me). That definitely makes getting motivated to work out a TON harder. Why should I choose healthy food choices? why should I go to the gym or go for a run? I have to be much more intrinsically motivated (I will eventually feel a difference in my body/energy levels/confidence levels).
I'm open to comments - constructive or otherwise - so let's hear them!
First, thanks for the shout-out! :)
ReplyDeleteSecond, I totally agree with what you're saying here - that outward appearances aren't a good judge for health and fitness. That's one of the most important things I've learned on my journey - the number on the scale absolutely cannot be your only measure of success when seeking overall health and wellness. My best friend is 60 pounds less than me but can only run 12-13 minute miles at best - I can do sub 10 minute miles because I have put in the time and worked hard to be able to do that. My body is big but that it is capable of many things because I train it to be so!
Good luck with your journey to fitness! Looking forward to following along. :)